a new me...

aha....
i think i wanna write again...it feels like i am not me when i was not typing any single word dat i wanna to post here...what dat i wanna write here 2day is about ma new experience which i had encountered recently....
yeah, sounds pretty cool...however, it does not sounds as it was good for me...i was the only person at dat tyme who felt it and be burdened by it.....for me, it was really such a 'fight-n-flight' (i dunno wat words dat suit dis kinda circumtance) situation wherever i need to make a hard choice between ma bestie and da boy i like...
such a hard choice to make....but believe me, if i be given again da same choices, of coz, without any hesitation, i would chose ma bestie....as for me, frens, a really gud frens are really hard to find...dats wat i vowed to maself since i was a kid....i like befren n be wif ma fren....
it was all started wif me, i was not blaming maself though, it is just it...i think i started all these shit things....just rewind dis story back, if i was not let him thru me, all these sorrow fuckin thing wouldnt happenned to me....and i was so down at dat tyme....i was really feel bad with maself..i thought dat i was kinda invisible bcos they didnt let me know da thruth....and what hurt da most was i found out da thruth maself, which i'd expect any of both tell me....i was too afraid to cry because i thought dat it would hurt me deeply...but i failed to hold it and i cried.....but deep down inside, he does not deserve ma tears.....it is because, i was not meant for him...so y would i cry for a such a boy....i tried to fight all these feelings as well as to recover ma wounds....i thought dat it would be such a long healing, but then it comes dat i need only a day to recover it and i found out dat da day after those circumtance, i was entirely recovered...Alhamdullilah....i was blessed by His love and protection....i admit to maself dat it would be da last for me to cry for the thing dat i dun deserve and will be da last...and suprisingly, i could talk to her and him as close as before.....i wan them to be happy as they pray for their happiness...i love them both as they are ma true and ral frens....and i was proud of maself because i can handle dis problem like a woman...not as teenage gilr...haha...really proud of maself....